Often one is asked, How did you come to believe as you do? I would like to give such a testimony here. Though likely
somewhat longer than one might think according to the title, I have sought to
only bring to bear those life events and activities, which seem to have had a
spiritual bearing upon my upbringing. I
believe the length to appropriate to my age. (It prints at 6 pages!)
Dave Cox, October 2014
I was born in northern Illinois in Rock Island to David
& Marjorie Cox in 1966. Mom was an
only child whose parents had both passed before I was born. She had a nominally protestant
background. Dad was the youngest of 7
and was born nearly deaf. His was from a
practicing Catholic upbringing. I am the
oldest of 5. We moved a lot while
growing up, and by the time we had finally settled in the Northwood’s of
Wisconsin, I had lived in Milan, Il., Menominee, MI., Abbeville, SC., Ashland,
WI., Phelps, WI., and 3 different houses in Eagle River, WI.
Spiritually, we were active practicing Catholics, and for I
while I was even an altar boy. Early on
I felt as though I was being drawn to God.
Though not a true believer in Christ, as a child I did believe that
Christ died for me, but I could not understand why. Yearly I would make resolutions only to note
the following year I did a lousy job keeping them. After a while I wondered what was the
point. I recall a poster on a teacher’s
desk in the 6th grade, "God helps those who help themselves". This
was a horrible thing to read - but I did not know it at the time. I did not realize what a works based
statement it was, and it made good sense at the time. I also was deeply into hard rock music. The Sony walkman allowed me to escape the
world into my own private place. As an
adult I have never completely felt comfortable with headphones since it
reflected that anti-social behavior in me.
As a teen I became involved with pornographic magazines and
this was a problem for many years. By
God's grace and a sanctified life, I rarely face this temptation. But I would
not be honest to say the issue was ever over with. However, as I walk with the Lord, He keeps me
and this has never been the temptation it once was when a teen. My other besetting sin was a terrible tongue. I was so foulmouthed when my parents were not
around. Friends would talk to me just to
hear me swear. Once, after a
particularly loud string of expletives the Principal of the High School turned
me around and grabbed me by the shirt collar and threatened me (he never said
with what but I knew well enough) and I was ashamed to be confronted publically in
the hallway.
Apart from ordinary sibling rivalry and the other mentioned
items, I was a good kid, morally. And I
had the self-righteous attitude to show for it.
While I knew my own sins well enough, I was always better that those
druggies over there and I would never drink!
And it was when I was about 14 our neighbor Mr. Bagwell invited my
brother and I to their church. His kids
were going and we were friends. I was
glad to go, since my parents had lapsed in their Catholic attendance. For a while I even went to the Catholic Church
on my own, and once even to confession.
So church was a good thing, in my mind.
I knew I needed some way to make it up to God for my flaws and going to
church made sense to me. Mr. Bagwell
went to a fundamental Bible church, the Community Bible Church of Eagle River
and it was only 3 blocks from home right on my street.
The church gave regular altar calls, but not by walking down
the aisle. The Pastor (Len Johnson) would
simply ask us if we wanted him to pray for us and if so, raise your hand. I raised my hand every time. I knew I could use the prayer, and the Pastor
did pray. After a number of weeks of
attendance one day after church he asked me if I'd like to talk with him. So we went to the basement of the church
building where he led me through his version of the Romans road, though I
wouldn't have known that then!
But what a feeling! I
felt the sins wash away and was so free in my heart! So after the meeting, I hurried home to get
some money. Then I hurried back to
church and got back just before they closed the doors for the afternoon. What did I hurry back to do with that
money? I asked if I could buy a Bible! For 7 dollars they 'sold' me a new hardback
Scofield 1917 edition Bible. I spent the
rest of the afternoon reading that Bible!
And God brought me to Jeremiah 31 and the new covenant. While I didn't understand everything, this
was mine! I also recall specifically
selecting Isaiah 40:31 as a life verse at that time.
But the besetting sins of my life did not go away. While I had some knowledge of salvation, I
needed to understand the work of sanctification in a believer’s life. Living one way at school and another at home,
I began compartmentalizing my life in neat little boxes. But I never once would have thought that I
was hiding anything from God - just other people. That was ok, right? So when I sinned and recognized it, I felt
sorry about it, even if not caught. That
was enough, right? But what I did not
understand was feeding the flesh through my besetting sins was not the way for a
Christian to become more sanctified. And
it certainly didn't make it easier to overcome.
So I was trapped.
In my final year of High school the hospital my parents
worked at was acquired and both of them lost their jobs. It was a terrible situation. Only a few months before that we had moved
into a new house and my brother suddenly became ill. Eventually we discovered he was diabetic, but
the new mortgage and all those medical bills caused us to be on a really tight
financial situation. When the jobs were
lost the family was, temporarily divided.
There was about a month were we lived in rental cabins, the kind people
rent for a week or two up north. We lived in
them. My parents had each of us move in
with a family friend and so I went to Kirk & Barb Andersons’ home for the
remainder of the school year, about 4 months
Shortly before this I turned 18 and though I was not graduated
yet (my birthday is in January) I was now an adult. My life in neat little boxes was coming apart
and my besetting sins went to the background as new ones sprang up. I was 18 so I reasoned I could now drink if I
wanted to, and I did so, just to say I did.
Also, I reasoned that as an adult, I was now on my own. I didn't even live at home, and while I
respected the Andersons, they were not my parents. I began shoplifting junk
food and booze from the store I worked at.
And then I graduated High school. My friend Fred threw a graduation party
complete with booze and I went for the hard stuff. But since school was over Mom & Dad
wanted to get the family back together and they had been working very hard in
Crystal Falls, Michigan to do so. So the
day after graduation I moved to Crystal Falls leaving all my friends and the town I
had spent the past 6 years in.
School was my social outlet and having graduated I didn't
know where or how I was to meet friends. But my brothers & sisters were in
school, and so I began meeting people through them. However the reason I became friends with many
of them was that I could buy beer in Wisconsin.
I became a beer supplier for people and thereby gained certain
status. Then it was on to pot and
amphetamines. I was never what you would
call a junkie, but I did use frequently.
It was just another point of rebellion.
During this 4 year period I remember a handful of notable items.
One was that I remembered God only in a dire need, praying
for my brother Scott once when he had a major medical need, going into a
coma. He made medical history surviving
without brain damage the largest overdose of tegretol ever to that date. I also prayed when I myself overloaded on
speed. I was awake for nearly 40 hours
and in great paranoia. I also recall a
man named Ron Hefner who was probably in his 40's working for Burger King - not
as manager, but as a general worker like myself. This man tried befriending me, and I was ok
with it. He was a Christian, and when he
found out my birthday was near, he bought me a small pocket Bible. That Bible became a precious possession,
though I still did not yield to the Savior.
I have prayed for Ron occasionally and look forward to meeting him
again, if not here in heaven!
In 1987 I began trying on my own to clean up my life, and
finally quit pot after 3 attempts. I
moved back home during this time and began a close relationship with my Dad
that remains to this day. A year later I had left the drinking scene. I had begun considering college and was
looking into Gogebic Community college when my parents discovered an
opportunity to move back to Eagle River and took it. I rapidly changed my college plans to Nicolet
College and Tech in Rhinelander, WI. But
I was home - really home.
For those who have never lived in a small town, Eagle River
is that town - about 1500 people in all, perhaps 10,000 in the whole
county. I knew I had to be in church
come Sunday morning. And so I was - feeling like
the word Guilty was emblazed across my forehead. A lot of people have this idea that a
fundamental church can be mean and unloving, and while I am aware of this, the
Community Bible church was never like this to me. I felt horribly guilty, but not horribly judged. Nevertheless I wanted to make my heart right
once again, whatever it took, and after 3 weeks of bugging Pastor Len, he
stopped over one evening. That evening I
made my peace with God and each of the others around the table did so at that
time, Dad, Mom, Scott, and Kriss.
Charlie & Sandy were both in the military and were not there.
After this I began to grow like crazy in the things of the
Lord. I rode in to college with either
of two older Christian men, Dave Johnson - son of Pastor Len, and Bill Campbell
- owner of the two local Christian bookstores.
These men discipled me, even if they didn't know it. I was forever asking challenging theological
questions of them during our daily rides to and from school. At some point during this time I got my hands
on a mission’s magazine, and was persuaded to go into the ministry. How that would look would change over the
years.
I felt the need to prepare like never before and had heard
of a small Bible college in Chicago. My
expectation was the Moody would be a small school, perhaps smaller that the
community college I went to in Rhinelander.
If I had known how big it was, and how diverse in doctrine I likely
would have looked elsewhere. I know I
looked seriously at a small school in Minnesota known for missions training at
this time, but free tuition sounded like a better deal so I applied at Moody
and was accepted!
Going to MBI was the biggest thing to happen to me. I was this naive, small town, small minded
boy with the whole world around me. And
apart from ministry I had another goal - to find if God would permit, a
ministry partner for life. And here I
was, after all, in the place where there were more Christians around than we
had in my whole town! (Moody's undergrad
population was equal to Eagle River's population) I did indeed meet my wife Julie here and we
married in August of 1991.
As for the general student population, I was older than most
of them - even many of the seniors, having wasted 4 years. And so I was a 23 year old freshman. I had not
realized that many of these students themselves had never surrendered to
Christ, some never would. I also did not
realize what a breadth of theological belief was to be found at Moody. And while I do believe that it is very
important to be challenged in my beliefs, Moody was a bit more liberal in
general than I was actually.
However - I did not realize this at that time, and as I
would encounter certain students that were in a different land theologically I
would challenge them and was challenged a little by them. What challenged me more were the differences among
the professors! Here I expected
orthodoxy and while many times it was clearly I that needed to learn a thing or
two - there was a couple notable Profs which I believe were in the liberal left
field theologically! These men in
particular, since they were professors challenged me more than my peers did,
because I respected them!
I took off from school in Dec 1990 to pay down debt, and get
married. I had heard the rumors - those
who leave early - most never return.
This only pushed me harder to return.
So after a 2½ year hiatus I was back in classes as a married student off
campus in the fall of '93. I had heard of a new returning missionary/teacher
from the field of Central America and I eagerly signed on to as many classes as
I could with Ken Hanna. I was not disappointed. It was he who became one of the solid
foundational men in my preparation. In
1995 I went on a 6 week mission’s trip to Nicaragua and México with him.
At the same time as I was preparing to take this mission
trip, Julie and I began applying to CAM International missionary
organization. We also discovered in
January of 1995 that we were to be parents later that year! While this was very exciting I struggled for
quite a time about the trip. How could I
leave my wife of 4 years, immediately before the baby was to be born? And what if there were complications and she
had to go in early?! So much to trust
the Lord for! My trip was to start in
June but in May we had to travel to Texas for candidate school with CAM. It was a two week time of meetings and classes
and even meeting Dr. Charles Ryrie in his home.
Then we had the final day. This
was the day known as sticker shock - when the organization would show you what
you would need to have in order to go to the field. I was overwhelmed. How was it we would have to raise more money
to live in México than Julie and I lived on in Chicago?! We must have faith I thought.
But I didn't have the time to consider this at all, as my
mission trip was to start in just a few days!
Mr. Hanna had become so close as a professor he was a friend and He and I
had coffee many times a week. But I had
such a culture shock after arriving in Nicaragua I had forgotten to even drink
coffee for 3 days! And it was a good
thing I had taken Spanish. There were 2
native Spanish speakers in the group beside Mr. Hanna but they were frequently
busy. So the team had heard I took
it, and now I was put into the test. I
had to become the translator many times and boy was I inadequate. And though I butchered the language (and
still do) by the time the trip was over I was at least able to have
rudimentary conversation with some of the bilingual nationals who helped me as I did
them.
I returned home from my trip and while we jumped into
ministry opportunities as often as possible- Vacation Bible Schools, ESL, and
church planting in Maywood -we had one special event - becoming parents! I was 29 when Benjamin David was born. Life would never be the same again! And the work in Maywood was significant, so
much so that we began attending the Host church, Woodside Bible Chapel, a
brethren assembly. And here I was
reminded that I had been moving away from my fundamental roots. This congregation was far more conservative
than Forest Glen was and I really loved it!
I particularly loved the breaking
of the bread service. It was a great
blessing! But the church was having
difficulties and since we were not members we felt it best to return to Forest
Glen.
I completed my studies and graduated in June of 1996. At once I was faced with a dilemma. Do I go to work full time and work on raising
support on the weekends? Or was taking a
fulltime job a compromise in itself? The
trouble was, Julie was home with the baby and we had become convicted that this
was where she should be. So I did have
to work. So the plan was before us. And I really today believe that it was my
plan and not the Lords. It did make the
most sense - but we were moving so fast.
Did we pray enough or even at all?
I watched as Paul Somsel, and Mark Swensen, fellow Moody grads and good friends who I knew
go to the field. And though we did have
supporters, we never were able to raise more than 25% of the $4250.00 monthly
salary CAM had determined we needed. I
personally struggled with the idea that we could live on far less in the city
of Chicago, so why should we need so much to live in México?
In 1998 CAM asked us to step down from the support raising
as candidates. I began a soul searching
time as I considered what the Lord would have for us. So I
went to the men of the church, deacons and former deacons who knew me and asked
them to pray for us as we considered what the Lord might have for us. One man, Tom Rice, had an immediate answer,
“Dave – you have a family now, and I think you should focus on raising them up”. Our daughter Christina Eva was newborn that
August so the family was indeed growing!
So we continued in the various lay ministry opportunities as
they came along. I took a short 6 week
class on hospital visitation with the Swedish covenant hospital. It was a ministerial certificate to allow me
to minister to those who were sick. I
was a deacon for a total of 6 years at Forest Glen. This was a spiritual exercise which I loved
to do. But it occasionally grieved
me. I did have to participate in church
discipline two times, once there was repentance, and the other time a
hardening. It was a terrible thing to go
through, but I knew it was necessary work.
In 2000 our son Jonathan Lyle was born completing our family.
In 2002 I began working for my current employer. The following year we purchased a house in
Woodstock, and had to leave our church family of 14 years. We have never believed in Church hopping so
it was unreal not to have a church home.
We first attended the Crystal Lake Evangelical Free church, having friends
from our days at MBI there, but the church was too large with 700+ in
attendance. It was 3 months before we
met the Pastor! I needed a place where I
could serve and this was not the place.
In December of 2003 we received a personal letter from Pastor Fred of HG(not the real name)
church.
This was a much smaller church and we fell in love with the
people there! And they did have needs
especially in music ministry. We began
the membership process after we had been attending for nearly 8 months. After several classes with the pastor we were
to sign the doctrinal covenant and become members. Yet I was immediately challenged since the
church had codified their eschatological belief into the membership. The belief in an imminent pre-tribulational
rapture was not new to me, and though I had not yet fully determined my
position on all things eschatological I knew I did not subscribe to it. But
people don’t typically divide over eschatology I reasoned, and the Pastor did
not at all seem to be alarmed that I had an issue with this doctrine, so I
signed.
Yet it did matter as you will see. Being members and apt to teach, I was
teaching and even occasionally preaching.
I also began to minister in the area of music. I was relating some of these matters to a
friend, Curt Audet, when he cautioned me to consider where this all might
lead. Since I was active in the ministry
it was likely that I could be a candidate for elder, and if chosen, be a leader
who didn’t wholly subscribe to the doctrinal statement. His advice was sound. So we pulled our membership. Nevertheless, we remained in attendance there
– seeing I was still encouraged to teach and minister in various places.
Sometime during this period I also discovered that the
doctrine of repentance (in relation to salvation) was particularly eschewed by
the church. This raised red flags but I
was still focused on the eschatological teaching. I was still concerned that someone would pose
a question regarding these items, and since I was in a teaching position I
would have to tell them to speak to someone else (which did not seem to be the
right thing to do) or tell them my conviction, which, did not seem appropriate
conduct as one being under the authority of the Church. Sadly – I even participated in the Purpose
Driven church promotion, though I had my doubts. Due to my desire to be under the authority,
and be a team player, I chose not to question this aspect of church life. Eventually we had to leave. This was the 1st time I have ever
left a church over doctrinal matters and it was grievous to me. We had been at HG for almost 5 years.
On August 3, 2008, we began attending Heritage Baptist Church. For nearly 2
years we simply sat under the sound teaching, and began a slow process of
restoration and learning. We have since become members
and have again become active in the ministry.
I have written this not to glorify the sin in my life – but to
shout from the rooftops that God is good, and is willing, because of His sons
sacrificial death in my behalf, to forgive even me. I trust He will become as precious to you as
He’s become to me! Amen.
